


MASH ficlets

by Todesengel



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-15
Updated: 2011-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-22 16:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Todesengel/pseuds/Todesengel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unconnected M*A*S*H ficlets/drabbles</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Change

After Trapper left, Hawkeye was never quite the same.

Radar noticed it first, but that was no surprise, since Radar noticed everything about ten steps before everyone else. What surprised Radar was just how long it took for the rest of the 4077 to see that there was something wrong with Hawkeye. It was glaringly obvious to him that Hawkeye was...different; and it wasn't just that he didn't laugh or smile as much or seem quite so 'devil-may-care' about the fate life had dealt him. He'd been in Korea a while and it was only natural that even Hawk's excessive optimism would eventually dwindle.

The change was more subtle than that.

It was in the way he'd wait half a beat as if listening for a laugh or answer that would never come; it was the way he'd turn, slightly, in Post-Op as if he expected someone to be standing at his side; it was the way he drank, desperately, grimly, as if the homemade hooch was the only lifeline he had.

It was they way he'd stare at the road sign to Boston, as if by staring hard enough he would somehow magically find himself there.

Radar noticed these things and he thought he knew why.


	2. Quiet

All he wants in the world is a little bit of quiet. He wants to have just one day, one night, even one hour free from the noise of war and pain and twisted sanity. But even in the midst of a drunken stupor he can’t escape from the endless, hurtful noise.

He can’t sleep, not with the dull roar that tears through his mind, chases him down dark corridors that lead to all the people he has ever failed, all the young, foolish boys he couldn’t save. He’s only human, an imperfect being, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling like he should have done more, that he could have done more. If he’d tried harder, maybe he could have saved those children from themselves. Maybe if he’d tried harder, he could have stopped this stupid, pointless war.

He can’t help but feel like he could have done more.

He can’t help but feel like this exhausted sleep is a betrayal of those ghosts that haunt his mind. Why should he rest when it was his inexpert hands that killed those boys?

He wants to wake up, but sleep is heavy on him and he is chained to the dark nightmares. He struggles against his capture, but even as he fights to be free of dark unconsciousness, he is dragged further and further down until, finally, wonderfully, he is dragged down beyond the clutching hands of regrets, old and new.


	3. Risk (Hawkeye/Trapper)

Trapper loves his wife, if for no other reason than because she's the mother of his two girls and he loves his girls more than he can say, so much so that sometimes, in the night, the thought of being so far away from them makes him feel like he's dying, the valves of his heart clogged up by the miles that separate them.

But he loves his wife because she is beautiful, and she is kind, and she doesn't ask much from him, only that he keep her dressed in expensive things, their expensive Back Bay townhouse filled with pretty things, their club fees paid up in full. She doesn't care if he sleeps around, flirts with his nurses, comes home some nights smelling of sex and perfume. She knows him, knows that he's faithful in his own way, and she's happy with their relationship, and she'll get custody of their girls if he tries to leave; and he knows that too, which is why he never lets things get out of hand.

"Hey Trap, listen, I've got this great idea."

Hawkeye is heavy where he leans on Trapper's shoulder, and Trapper can smell the sharp cheapness of Hawkeye's cologne. He breathes deeply, hungrily. He reminds himself that he loves his wife, that he loves his family, that things with Hawkeye could get out of hand very quickly, and he'd lose everything that he thinks is important to him, which is why he never does anything but smile and nod and play along with whatever scheme Hawkeye's cooked up for today.

And he never lets himself think that maybe what he'll lose could be outweighed by what he'll gain.


	4. Premonition (Radar)

Radar had a vague premonition that something bad was going to happen when he saw the jeep bouncing its way into the compound, that flash of the future that told him when the choppers were coming, let him know what Henry wanted before the words could be formed. But Hawkeye and the others needed bandages, and he figured that the jeep was carrying just another wounded soldier, so he didn't stop as he crossed the compound, arms filled with gauze.

"Hey!" The driver didn't even turn off his engine, just hopped out of car, waving a piece of paper over his head. "I've got something about a Henry Blake!"

"I'll take it." Radar shifted the gauze until he had a hand free and reached out for the letter. He opened it with his teeth, shaking it out as he continued on his way back to the OR, and as his he began to read the short text he smiled to himself about the inefficiency of army post. After the first word he stopped smiling.

Stopped doing anything.

The gauze fell from his numbed fingers.

What good was his gift when it couldn't tell him something like this?


End file.
